I think I can, I think I can?

It's on record: 10k training begins in January.

OH. DEAR. GOD. I am terrified

I have been reading articles about "taking my run to the next level" and it scares the crap out of me. You'll have to start running 5 days a week, they say. You'll need to average 15-20 miles a week. Get used to running 60 minutes at a time. Get used to  declining social invitations.  This isn't me. The thought of running for an hour makes me want to hurl. I'm weak! I'll fold too easily! Just last night, I got a last minute invitation to play bar trivia (if you know me, you know I take this very seriously), when I had already decided that I NEEDED to go to the gym. Frankly, I allowed myself to eat too many delicious leftovers from the previous day's office potluck,  not mention what I consumed at the actual potluck, and an after work run was my get out of jail free card...

Despite knowing better, I totally rationalized not going to the gym. I'll have light beer. Or no beer. I'll order something relatively healthy. I'll wake up early the next day and work out ('cause that always happens). Being social is good! Trivia works out the brain, which is just as important as the body! But in the back of my head, I just kept thinking:  I haven't even begun my training yet and I am already failing.

In the end, I did go to trivia, with no guilt. I used the gym at work (duh! that was an obvious choice), changed (sans shower, sorry fellow trivia go-ers!), and got the bar on time. I was able to have my chicken gorgonzola salad and eat it, too.

Maybe I shouldn't be as terrified as I am. Maybe I can figure out this run/life/work balance, after all. I guess the real question is: am I up for the challenge? I think so.

Not Bad for a Fat Girl

2014 has been quite a year. A new home, a new job, a new healthier lifestyle. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to run voluntarily, without being chased. I absolutely never imagined I'd maybe enjoy it. (Whether or not I really enjoy the running, or just how I feel afterwards, or the competition of it, or just the shopping for running clothes is up for debate!)

Three 5ks this year and I'm finally getting the hang if it. The first time, I just wanted to cross the finish line at all. This time around, I wanted to run the whole 3.1 without walking, all in 36 minutes. Did I do it? Well, I finished a minute and 25 seconds after I wanted to, but I  DID run without walk breaks. Not too bad for a fat girl!

Thank you, wine.

I somehow managed not to eat my weight in cranberry sauce and stuffing this Thanksgiving. I can't say that my plate was always perfect and full of veggies, but considering my 4 day weekend consisted of two Thanksgivings, two  birthday celebrations, and one mini college reunion, I faired pretty well! I managed to make it to the gym two of those days and I did, in fact, eat veggies. Let's just forget about the part where I drank a whole bottle of wine.

That bottle of wine does lead to reflect on the things for which I have been thankful for this year:
1. Wine. white, red, rose, I don't discriminate. Though I enjoy you (mostly) in moderation these days, I still love you.
2. My partner and the home we have created together (I should maybe mention here that these are not ranked in order of importance...)
3. My nutty friends and my even nuttier family. You're all crazy. And sometimes you drive me crazy, and into the arms of wine. But I can't not love you.
4. My (new, official, as in I'm kinda the boss) job and a staff that continues to support me and work their tails off.
5. My able body that I seem to be able to push a little further and further each day. Thanks for not letting me down, body! Honestly, we still got our issues, but the truth is, you let me do things like run 3 miles and for that I am forever grateful.

I choose my choice!

There's that episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte decides to quit her job after getting back with Trey. She calls Miranda looking for support (actually, validation) of her decision and the scene ends with Charlotte yelling into the receiver "I choose my choice! I choose my choice!" 

So, all day, everyday we're faced with them-choices. Today I made some bad ones (I slammed a few drawers in my office and ate that lonely Klondike bar that's been sitting in the office freezer since a party last month) and some good (30 minutes on the treadmill and I ate all my veggies at dinner). Good or bad, they were mine. It's easy to place blame on others or seek validation. I did it today even when I texted my boyfriend looking for him to validate my decision to have a beer when I got home (oh, but the WW points!). But I'm a big girl, I can make these decisions on my own. No one forced me to eat that ice cream or the peanut M&M's sitting in the office on November 1st. Conversely, no one held me up at gunpoint as I ran at the gym (that would be some workout, though...or movie....Speed 3: Planet Fitness).

I may regret some of the things I've done (I do not regret this beer, however) or how have I acted, or what I have chosen not to do. But I gotta own it. And I may not always agree with the choices the people around me have made, but they need to live with their decisions. Even when they impact (that, my friends, is how to avoid the affect/effect conundrum) me, those choices are for them to choose.

I choose my choice!

Take a Hike!

I’m back in the States and trying to get back into my normal routine. Though I was only able to log 2 actual workouts during my week away, I did, at least, walk a couple of miles each day of the latter half of my trip. This doesn’t exactly make up for the amount of bread, cheese, and sweets I allowed myself to eat, but it was better than nothing, I suppose.

Thankfully, some girlfriends and I had a healthy outing planned for the weekend of my return. Generally, our get -togethers involve a good amount of food and booze. Now, I see nothing wrong with that from time to time, but the fall back plan for spending time together is always dinner and drinks. It’s easy to fall into that pattern and amazing how much our social lives revolve around eating and drinking. That’s why I was thrilled that a friend (who has her own blog worth a read) suggested we go for an afternoon hike as a departure from our normal routine. What a concept! Get some exercise, catch up with one another, get some vitamin D, and maybe see a ghost (the state park in which we hiked is allegedly haunted!).

We saw no ghosts, sadly, or even wildlife (other than a large dog). We heard what was possibly a chainsaw and did have a short, potentially sketchy walk on the side of the road (for the record, I should never be in charge of the trail map). Despite this, we still had a great time. The weather was perfect, the company was great, and the 5 miles we walked felt like a real accomplishment, without feeling like work. We did round out the day with a nice lunch, but we all chose something reasonably healhy. All and all, it was a great Girls’ Day Out! Now where's the booze??

The Road to Istanbul Is Paved With Good Intentions

Merhaba! I am currently traveling for business--in Turkey, as you may have guessed. When it comes to being healthy, travel has been, and will always be, my Achilles heel. It doesn't seem to matter how long or short the journey, when I am on a plane, in an airport, on a train, even on a long car ride, I want to eat everything in sight! I'm usually traveling alone, and therefore, no one is holding me accountable. When you're alone, it's easy to stop for a milkshake or buy an armful of candy or eat three donuts in  the privacy of your hotel room. And, as I have mentioned before, the slightest change to my routine, and my good habits are out the door. It's fair to say this trip to Turkey is a change to my routine.
Knowing that I would be tempted to partake in delicious treats (hello, baklava) and that I would be eating out all week,  I made sure my gym clothes and running shoes made it into the luggage. I had all sorts of intention of using them this morning before meeting some colleagues for a trip to the ancient ruins of Pergamon (nope, not my normal routine). When my alarm went off, I realized it was midnight at home and I just couldn't get out of bed. I snoozed for an embarrassing long time and eventually did get up and pull on my gym pants...and went to breakfast. I only had time to either workout or eat breakfast, and though I regret not working out, I knew that I'd be a cranky pants if I didn't have food in my system. I tried to make some healthy choices, focusing on fruits and grilled veggies, with a little bread and cheese (for those of you who have traveled overseas, you know that breakfast generally leans more towards the savory than sweet).
When we got back from Pergamon, I was exhausted and hungry. But back in my room, I put my gym clothes on--for reals this time-- and  had a decent run in the hotel's gym. I started to think about two years ago, when I was staying in the same hotel and using the same gym. Then, I was just starting to run, and still working my way through intervals. Today I ran the whole way through and didn't even consider stopping. I've come a long way in two years, and despite not every choice being a great one (I may or may not currently be consuming a club sandwich), I like to think I make the better ones more often than not (I'm having a piece of fruit for dessert). Travel is always going to be difficult for me, especially in a foreign country, but this time around, I am holding myself accountable.







   

Summer of Change

It's easy to focus on the things I haven't done, or haven't done well. Since my little tumble two weeks ago, I've only been for 3 rather short runs,and my eating habits have really suffered as we have approached phase 2 of the big move. Rather than beat myself up about it (sometimes, you just need cookie dough Oreos) I've tried to focus on all the good stuff I've accomplished the summer of  2014- the Summer of Change!

1. Hiked a mountain - with 15 lbs strapped to my back, no less
2. Got a promotion at work
3. Completed 2 5ks, lived to tell the tale
4. Lost 14 lbs since June, despite vacations/business travel and we're-moving-and-don't-have-food-or-plates-so-let's-have-takeout dinners
5. Become a homeowner!

It's been a summer out of the ordinary for me, but regardless of how big or small the accomplishment, we all should take the time to acknowledge our own awesomeness.  It always seems easier to focus on the negative, the stuff you didn't do, but I'm hoping you'll look back on the summer and remember all the things you did right!

Another one bites the dust

I know you have all been waiting with bated breath... I finally found pants! Nike slim dri-fit trak pants. Multiple pockets! A real drawstring (they don't fall down)! Sweat wicking fabric! Ventilation! AND and I paid 22 bucks for the then at the Nike outlet. Ah, there's the catch. The outlet. Of course this means they are being discontinued. I'll probably go back and buy to more, assuming there are any left.

I took them for a test run today, and though the pants stayed up, I did not. I made it about a block before BAM! My first running fall. And it was a doozy. Banged up elbow, a scarped hand, and a bleeding, swollen knee cap. Ouch. And the pants? Well, they're not ruined, but they are certainly worse for wear.

I won't be running, or doing much activity, for a few days. I won't lie- I'm kind of looking forward to an excuse to sit on the couch the rest of the day, but I'm actually really disappointed that I didn't get to work out today. I never thought I'd say that!

Running a mile on someone else's route

I am a creature of habit. A change to my routine, and what little healthy eating and exercise I do goes out the window. The next few weeks do not bode well.

My boyfriend and I just sold our condo and are waiting to close on our new place in a few weeks. In the meantime, we are lucky enough to be staying with family, while 95% of our belongings chill in their garage. (Seriously, how do people buy and sell real estate at the same time?) Though we are excited to be moving on to the next phase and into a real home together, this state of limbo may kill me.    Thankfully, we're eating home cooked meals most nights. But I find myself in a house with snacks that I haven't personally bought in months and I'm trying like hell not to eat them all. This is on me. I'm not going to tell the people kind enough to take us in that they can't bring cookies into their own home! It's bad enough that I am scanning every little thing  they cook with to calculate its Weight Watchers point value. Yes, I am that person. I kinda hate that person. But I need to keep myself from going off the deep end.

And fitness? Well, that's another story. I had just gotten used to--and even rocked-- the longer, hilly route in our old neighborhood, but it, and our regular gym, are too  out of the way to go there after work. I planned to use the gym at work, but got an email last week that it's closed until September!  I've tried running in the new, temporary neighborhood, and HOLY SHIT IT'S HARD! These hills are no joke. The route is totally foreign to me. It sucks. I will keep trying over the course of the next few weeks, I have to. But I feel like the odds are stacked against me a little. Maybe I'm making excuses and really I just need to suck it up and deal.

So what do I do? I have worked through a lot in the past few months, but I haven't encountered a long- standing change to my routine yet. This will prove itself to be a real challenge. Any suggestions on how to stay focused when your world is topsy-turvy?

Is this really the worst thing I can be?

I've always been the fat kid. There, I said it. What mystifies me is when other people feel the need to point it out. Oh really? I thought I looked like Cindy Crawford.  I mean, Jesus, the name of this blog has"fat" in the title. I'd like to say that teasing and name calling stopped in high school, but the truth is even adults are guilty of it.  To be clear, I'm not looking for pity. I'm a big girl (no pun intended) and I can handle it. But I feel the need to talk about it, and I'm certainly not the first blogger to bring this up.

We're all guilty of some kind of bias, some kind of prejudice,  and for some reason, ridiculing people based their physical appearance seems to be socially acceptable to many. Or funny even. It really proves someone's immaturity when the worst he or she can do is call me fat. Is that all you got? If you're going to insult me, at least have the sense to insult my character. Here's the thing: I can stop being fat, but you will probably never stop being an asshole. If the worst thing about me is the way I look, I'm doing pretty well by me, and by a lot of other people, thank you very much.

Maybe you think I'm a slob, maybe you think I'm lazy, maybe you assume I am unhealthy, maybe you think I just stuff food in my mouth all day long. Nothing could be further from the truth. I work hard at a demanding job. I run. I am very conscious about what I eat. I've lost 35 pounds in the past 5 months    ( and even so, I am still overweight, yes). But why do you look at me and assume I'm downing a pint of Ben and Jerry's for dinner every night? It's no different than looking at a skinny girl and assuming she's living off cigarettes and carrot sticks. Neither assumption is fair or right.
So what's my point? I guess I just want us to all think about what we say to each other, to be careful about what we assume. I'd like us all to stop shaming each other.

I could go on, but this  great blog post on Huffington Post says it better than I can.

Have you considered pants?

I'm basically down to one pair pants I actually like to run in-- and the seam split yesterday. Oh, you know I am going to sew those bad boys up and get as much use out of them as possible.  But they will rip again and where will that leave me? You may say "just go buy another pair, fool!" Here's the rub: they're from the Gap and in typical fashion, the Gap doesn't make that style anymore. Not to mention that I cut them myself from a full length pant to a capri. I basically made my own damn pants.

My issue with running pants is that they all seem to fall down on me. I've gone up a size, down a size, tried those useless infinity drawstrings (how the hell do those stay put??) but it doesn't seem to matter. I jump up and down in the dressing room like a fool and before you know it, they're all past my ass. Maybe it's because my ass is big. I don't know. But this is not ok.

I need help, serious help. And suggestions. Where are the pants?!

Am I One of Them?

Today I did something I have never done. I went for two runs. I had planned to run after work through a lovely green space near my office--which,  by the way, when dodging bikers, walkers, joggers, the geese and the goose poop, is like running an obstacle course. When I got home, I convinced myself to do it all again around the neighborhood, with far fewer obstacles.Work- life and life -life have been stressful lately and I have actually come to see running as an outlet for all that stress. It really got me thinking about what I had already intended to be topic for this post: I hesitate to call myself  a runner.

Even though I do run, and I went so far as to start a friggin' blog about it, I really hesitate to call myself a runner. There has to be an average mileage requirement. Is it 5 miles? 10 miles? It's certainly not "only" 2.5, is it? Or is it? I've had a few joggers wave, nod, or smile while passing me. I've tried to smile or wave back, bur fear I look like I am having a medical episode. Tonight, a man in a passing car beeped at me; let's just go with the idea that it was a sign of support. (No, sir, no need to call the police, I am not being chased!) So if these strangers actually mistake me for a runner, why can't I? Yesterday morning I dragged myself out of bed at 5am to run. Today I logged more miles in one day than I ever have. So what gives-- why do us short distance runners hesitate to call ourselves what we are?

I do know one thing: I'm taking tomorrow off!

Motivation, where art thou?

I can come up with 50 excuses not to go to the gym or even walk around the block. I pretty much lack motivation, so when I have to dig deep, I've found these tips helpful:

1. Challenge yourself. I recently changed my outdoor running route to include more hills and tacked on an extra 1/2 mile- and the first time I completed it, I felt like a million bucks. I look forward to this new route, this new challenge. So whether you push yourself to run another mile, bike at more of an incline, or add another 5 minutes to your evening walk, when you achieve the new goal, you'll want to keep going! Just make sure you set realistic goals.

2.Challenge your friends. 3 friends and I just completed a challenge: travel 200 miles over 90 days. The beauty of this is that we track any kind of activity throughout the day, like walking to the subway or steps we take while we're out shopping . When you look it, you realize it adds up!  I use the free Nike fitness app on my iPod for running and walking and mileage counters on the machines at the gym. Of course, you may use Run Keeper or have a FitBit or a regular old pedometer. If you're walking, running, or biking outside, you can always refer to Google maps.

3.  Wear something you feel good in. You deserve something better than that free T shirt you've been holding onto for 7 years. Invest in some quality sweat wicking clothes that actually look a little put together. You don't have to break the bank- Target and Old Navy both offer cute, quality workout clothes at reasonable prices. My favorite running shirt is obscenely bright and cost $10 at H&M. Hey, just cause you're sweating your ass off doesn't mean you can't be cute! If you like the clothes, you'll be more excited to actually wear them. Hopefully to work out in :)

 4. Think of something else. So you got dressed- that's the first step! You still need to remain motivated while active. I just try to keep my mind off it as much as possible. Watch the TV at the gym, draft a work email in your head on a run, make a mental shopping list, think about what you'll make for dinner. Practice what you'd say to Justin Timberlake if you met him in person. Hey, do what you gotta do to make the time pass!

5. Be your own cheerleader. When I hit my 2.5 mile goal is today, I clapped and cheered for myself (and continued to run further). That's right, no shame!

What are your tricks to stay motivated?

My First 5K: How the Hell Did I Get Here Anyway??

About two years ago, I started the great Couch to 5k program, and I completed my very first 5K in June. Of this year. So, about a month ago. I had reached week 6 of the 9 week program and then I just...stopped. I could give a 100 excuses as to why, but I won't waste your time. I am not the poster child for this program, but it does have its merits and my reasons for not following through 2 years ago have nothing to do with the program itself. It does work, even if it takes a while :) Some of what I learned from Couch to 5K has really stuck with me:

1. Start slowly. Whether you choose this program or any other kind of interval program, or make it up as you go along, it's important that you start off slowly. Most people who have never run more than 100 feet in their life can't just wake up and run 3 miles just like that. Set a realistic expectation, build up slowly and steadily as your body becomes stronger. Otherwise, you'll set yourself up to fail. And nothing kills your motivation to run faster than failure!

2. Don't worry about speed. Yes, we have all seen them. These runners who glide along like gazelles, bounding up hills while barely breaking a sweat, leaving you in their dust. Pay them no mind! I may run at a snail's pace, but hey, I'm still running. I may look like I am having a stroke, but I am still running. 1 mile is a 1 mile, no matter how long it took.

3. Get a running buddy. When I began Couch to 5K, my boyfriend would often run the same intervals with me at the gym. I admit, I sometimes got discouraged when I would look over at his treadmill and see his speed or how far he'd run. He's taller and stronger and faster than I. I had to remind myself that it wasn't a competition! When I was about to keel over, he'd give me a thumbs up and it helped me stay upright. Currently, some friends and I share a private Facebook page where we can get and give advice regarding running. Whether your buddy is right beside you or offering virtual help, sharing your running struggles with someone else can be way helpful.

I used these lessons as I started running again a few months ago. Although I didn't do so with a specific program, I did start off slowly and steadily. My goal was to complete the 2.1 route around the block. I did it, first with taking walking breaks, and eventually by running the whole way through. And though I had pretty much determined that I would never run a 5K, I found myself registering for one to take place at the end of June, which I ran with my partner and another friend. I was promised beer at the end, so my judgement may have been clouded. It was hard, harder than I expected. I walked more than I wanted. I ran more slowly than I had hoped to. But even though 700 people completed the race before I did, I still did it. And I actually beat the goal I had set for myself (I wanted to finish is a very, very reasonable 45 minutes, and completed it in 40:40).  People cheered for me as a I crossed the finish line. I felt amazing afterwards. I think that's called runner's high. Or beer.
So, what was your first 5K experience? Or, if you haven't done one yet but are considering it, what are you looking forward to most (or least)?

Allow Myself To Introduce Myself

Heya! I'm Elle, a 36 year old professional living in the 'burbs of Boston. I'm a real woman with a real body who's relatively new to this running thing. Something I learned early on: RUNNING IS HARD. It's work (duh). It's also rewarding. And, most importantly, I  learned that I am not alone. In addition to my love and partner in crime--who has literally run beside me--I have been sharing this journey with a few close girlfriends. These ladies have pushed me, challenged me, supported me, and inspired me (and this blog!). I hope that by sharing our stories about fitness, food, fashion, relationships and life, we will, in turn, inspire you. I don't claim to be an expert on any of these topics, so I look forward to hearing your voice and input as well! Happy reading-- and running!